Hello - APATHY! Weight Maintenance for almost a year.

I'm checking in.

I AM MAINTAINING.

I have been 163-165 pounds for almost a year.  May 22, 2011 - 165 lbs.

"What are you doing to maintain?"

Not a damned thing.  I eat when I am hungry,  and it appears to work.

I haven't "dieted" in the normal post weight loss surgery fashion in as long as I can remember.  It seems that when I gave up the idea of "diet" - thinking about food stopped.  I didn't have to worry about it.  

Eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full?  What a notion!  

I never really understood how this could be possible, since I was always "STARVING! OMG HUNGRY!" since many months after my gastric bypass.  That's not a lie:  I was STARVING.  Always hungry, always searching, pacing the kitchen, and then stopping to eat a pickle.  

But, since I started EATING and not ignoring my gut cues?  I'm not hungry.

Also:  no deprivation, no counting, no obsession ALLOWED.  

I eat what I want within reasonable limits.  I don't have access to junk food often, I am still not driving, and shopping for groceries is a rare occasion.

I pretty much live on turkey sandwiches, cheese, beans, coffee and green salad.  I eat a few bites of ANYTHING if I really must have it, this has always been my rule.  I bought Dark Chocolate Truffles in Vegas 1.5 weeks ago, and that was my big treat.  I finished the last one just recently.  Six truffles, two shared, lasted 1.5 weeks.  

"But, Beth, you're still overweight."

Yeah, so?   I am.  Is this a problem for you?  If it is, remember, I was 320 lbs.  165 lbs is just FINE, thank you.

Listen:  I am eating.  I am maintaining.  I am not falling into a hypoglycemic coma anymore.  Win.

If I moved my lazy butt, I would lose weight immediately.  I am maintaining this weight by eating AND not exercising.  However, exercising leads also to the coma.

I do not condone this slovenly behavior.  My exercise is limited to cleaning house and dancing like an asshole.

But, I have excuses!  Although I don't give a crap about excuses:

I have been in pain since 12/2010.  I have some Super Fun Lower Left Quadrant Pain that is not going away.  There's something wrong with my gut, colon or my girl bits, and surgery in 3/2011 did not find a twisted intestine, so I've been living with it.   I actually hold it.  It hurts.  Some days I think it's a small hernia, some days I say it's a cyst, either way, it still hurts, pretty constantly.  It seems to ebb and flow, and I am trying to see if it follows a pattern with with girl issues OR food.  Neither seem to match yet.    I was wearing a compression garment for a while, and sleeping with a heating pad, it's not as bad as it was then, but it's still broken.  And, DAMN IT, it hurts.  Sothere'sthat.  

And - my brain fails, they haven't stopped.   I've had seizures since January 2008.

The seizures come in clusters, usually 1-2 every other day for a few days, and then a quiet two weeks, and another cluster.  Again, I am blaming hormones.  I feel the hormones are the MAIN trigger for the seizures right now.  I can't find any other connection.  I seem to twitch on the 15th and 1st of each month - within 1-3 days.  

I had a seizure today, while it's "off my schedule," I also believe stress, sleeping schedules, and sickness are also triggers.  Hell, ANYTHING could cause it, but this past week and particularly the last 72 hours, I should be in the corner, rocking back and forth, frothing from the mouth.   But, I'm doing alright.

Stress is a direct trigger for seizures, among a million other physical symptoms, including: forgetting to eat.  I have noted a direct reaction of the LEVEL of stress to my intake.  

• If I am mildly irked, I eat more, and more often, I'm in graze mode.   "Where are the crackers?"
• If I am very upset, I don't eat.

I would expect to see weight loss after this current debacle is over.   And, when it passes, cycle back to this weight, if I continue my lazy butt ways.

But, you know what?  I don't care.  That may be the best part about THIS part of long-term gastric bypass life:  I FINALLY have weight apathy, and I am fine the way I am.  

 

Comments

[Ian]

Awesome piece Beth - Luv ya girlie!

[Sallyjane]

I so much WANT to be there..where you are now. With a healthy outlook toward food and becoming satisfied with my size. I am still pacing and looking, opening cabinets, closing them, taking nothing out.. check the fridge, same stuff that was in there a few minutes earlier.. I am hunting like a stealth cat.. trying to persuade myself I DON'T NEED A THING. Then I eat a pickle. And I really don't even like them. I will be six years post op this summer. I should be where you are now. I am not. But I have some hope that maybe, eventually, the disordered part of my eating will resolve. I am maintaining too... what most of us would say is a very thin weight. The cost of obsession is stress. I like this blog entry, If you have done it, maybe one day I can.

[MacMadame]

I think you *should* be fine with where you are. You look great and "normal" (whatever that means LOL).

I think you've achieved what most of us set out to achieve when we get WLS -- to stop being so overweight it cripples us and to get to a place where it's not all about our weight any more.